I’ve made a football team with animals. We’re playing a traditional 4-4-2 with seven subs. Here is my final squad…
GK – Ape
RB – Dog
LB – Hare
CB – Rhino
CB – Kangaroo
RM – Cheetah
LM – Springbok
CM – Lion
CM – Bear
CF – Giraffe
CF – Tiger
S1 – Chimpanzee
S2 – Horse
S3 – Ram
S4 – Wildebeest
S5 – Jaguar
S6 – Ostrich
S7 – Squirrel
I’ve gone for an Ape. Long arms, agile and fantastic handling, very vocal. Got the nod over a Chimpanzee mainly because it’s bigger and more intelligent.
Dog. Smart, reliable and reasonably intelligent. If I had to pick a breed of dog I would go for a sheepdog, great trainer, very obedient.
Hare. Very speedy when wants to be. Naturally defensive and always aware of its surrounding. Perhaps a little timid but I feel its speed, endurance and agility makes up for that.
Rhino. Powerhouse at the back. Tough tackling no nonsense defender. Absolutely no chance of barging it off the ball. Good lifespan, can play for many years. Veggie so unlikely to put weight on over the summer break, however the same cannot be said whilst it’s on the pitch. Can move when it needs to. Got the nod over an elephant as faster and less clumsy.
Kangaroo. Very powerful kick, great for clearing the ball. Can leap to win headers against most opponents. Great balance. Although it can’t fit the rhino in its pouch, it has the ability to carry it on the pitch.
Fastest land animal in the world. Cheetah. Very fast, great balance and extremely agile. Nightmare to defend against. Slightly worrying defensively , its endurance levels aren’t very high either. But this speed merchant cannot be left out.
Springbok. Extremely fast animal who can leap up to 13ft in the air. Difficult to catch and able to evade Lions, tigers and its compatriot on the opposite wing(the cheetah). Very dangerous in the box and a fantastic crosser.
Lion. The undisputed king of the jungle/pitch. Big, fast, smart and very aggressive when needs to be. Very vocal and potential captain. Can be quite lazy and lacking stamina but a huge team asset.
Bear. Big and bulky. Slightly slower than the Lion but this thing can still move. Excellent brain and vision on the pitch. Very very loyal with excellent stamina. Great at free kicks.
Giraffe. Tallest mammal in the world, no one will ever win a header against it. Able to hold the ball up very well and can really move when it needs to. Good stamina and always dangerous for opponents in the box with a chance of winning a penalty.
Tiger. A formidable and clever animal. A natural poacher and very strong on the ball. Great stamina and vision. Has a knack of being in the right place at the right time. Mr reliable with the pens.
On the bench
Chimpanzee as reserve goalkeeper, just not as big or smart as an Ape. Horse can play at left or right back. Fast but one dimensional play, prone to injury too. Ram can play at the back, one tough cookie. Wildebeest is centre mid/defence, very strong great awareness and fast. Jaguar, a tricky midfielder sturdier and heavier than a leopard, which is why it got the nod. Ostrich, winger/striker, very fast and tall, great in the box on corners. Squirrel, striker, very fast, excellent vision and a very tricky player.
Elephant. Very – unintentionally – domineering. A true peoples champion. Nice as pie and great at building relationships. Tactical genius.
I realise there have been a few very debatable decisions made here. Some seriously talented animals left out but I feel this is a very well balanced animal football team team. The unbeatables.